Before you call me a Scrooge or tell me I have no Christmas spirit, let me explain why…
The familiar dinging sound of getting a new achievement had always been exciting, he’d congratulate me and we’d race to see who’d get the next one first. I could care less who called me a nerd, my lil bro and I play WoW and had a blast doing it. He was terminally ill and couldn’t get out much and the distance between us was bridged by video games. I’d wake up every morning before school to talk to him while I’d get my day started, he’d laugh as I put on my makeup and tell me I didn’t need it that I was beautiful. He’d make fun of my bedhead (he’s the only one besides my husband who’s seen it :P) and tell me to do something with that “mess of a mop” on top of my head. We’d joke until I went to class and I’d hop on MSN messenger and we’d IM during breaks. When I’d get home, my husband and I would video chat with him again until we were so sleepy we could barely keep our eyes open.
Then one day, I got a text that shattered everything. I’ll never forget what it said,” I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but Ric passed away last night. I’m sorry,” it was followed by a picture of him. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe, I ran to my laptop and signed in praying that this bastard was lying to me. I was too shocked to cry and was mentally cursing the sender of the text and imagining all kinds of horrible things to do to him when I saw him again. Ric wasn’t online. It was confirmed later that day that he had died the night before, minutes….
MINUTES after I’d gotten off video chat with him. The last words we spoke linger still,” I have to go to work, lil bro. I love you and I’ll try and call you when I get off.” He smiled and rolled his eyes,” Love you too sis, hugs.” His smile radiating before he hung up.
Holidays suck now. I don’t want to be excited anymore, Ric and I had traditions and without them I just don’t want time to pass. I don’t want to move on, I want to stay in a place where the memories are fresh and I can be with him. He’s gone and I feel like everyone else is too happy. Almost like,” Hey, my friend is dead! How the f*ck are you happy?” selfish right?
I don’t do holiday decorations, I don’t enjoy the rush to buy presents, I don’t like running to every family member’s house and worrying if we’ll be on time, and I hate how everyone looks at me all f*cked up when I’m not bright and bubbly.
So, if I’m not super-happy and all excited about holidays; just leave me the hell alone about it. Don’t call me a Scrooge or a Grinch, think about what I’ve lost and shut your mouth.
lilrenthefox 